


A Pirate's Life For Somebody Else, Thank You Very Much

by lrceleste



Series: DA Kink Meme Fills [3]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Pirate, Dragon Age Kink Meme, Fluff, Kidnapping, Kink Meme, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-29
Updated: 2015-10-02
Packaged: 2018-04-24 00:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4898896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lrceleste/pseuds/lrceleste
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the Kink Meme Prompt:</p>
<p>
  <i>I'm... actually surprised no one else asked for this yet. I love the way Dorian says that line about how he'll get home after the Exalted Council. "Maybe a sea voyage! I can get kidnapped by burly qunari pirates".<br/>Due to circumstances of trying to get back to the Imperium, Dorian has little choice but to take a ship home. Which, nearly home, does get captured by burly qunari pirates. So begins the tale of one snarky magister and one long suffering qunari pirate</i>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Contains Trespasser spoliers</b>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm going to attempt to update every day, if you want to read it on the kmeme you can find it [here.](http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/15543.html?thread=58623671#t58623671) I'll probably be a part ahead on there.

When he stirred, eyes fluttering open in the darkness, he could remember little of how he arrived in his current predicament. He began where he could remember and tried to work forwards.

He’d bought passage to Minrathous in Denerim little over a week after the council of heralds had occurred, and the inquisition had been disbanded. Reports had been coming in that the Imperial Highway had been plagued by bandits and it wasn’t safe, though he very much despised the idea of travelling by sea, Lavellan had insisted. The last he was aware he’d been on the sea a week; it had been plain sailing for the most part, even if the sea sickness had been near constant.

And then everything had gone to shit rather rapidly.  It seemed like not a moment after the lookout cried ‘Pirates!’ the entire ship had been thrown into chaos, and Dorian had found himself, staff blade pressed to the throat of a prate. He’d managed to knock down a couple, even amidst the panic, but then the bolt of magic had hit him, and everything had quickly faded to black. He couldn’t remember being hauled here, was this his ship, or had he been moved? And the crew, what had become of the rest of the crew?

At least he wasn’t dead, which was a surprise to say the least, but he _was_ bound and his body ached, and most worryingly he could feel no connection to the fade, to his magic.

“What is that one?” A low voice asked, and Dorian searched for the voice, finding a sliver of torchlight shining through the edges of a closed door.

“A Magister.” Another of the voices hissed. “But a pretty one at that. Reckon we could ransom him?”

“Reckon he’d blow your head off before you tried.” A third voice laughed.

“Not with that collar on he won’t.” The first voice ensured.

“Fancy clothes like that, must be a noble bet somebody wants him back.”

The ship rocked and Dorian became suddenly aware that he was still at sea as his stomach rolled and he gagged. “D’you hear that?”

“Hear what?”

The door was flung open and Dorian squinted away from the light, glimpsing the huge figure that stepped into the doorway. With a thunderous laugh, the huge shape gripped Dorian and pulled him unceremoniously across the floor.

“If you don’t mind-?!” He squawked, as he wriggled out of the large hands grasp.

His captor merely laughed and crouched before Dorian, turning his head he shouted back to the other two voices, “The Vint’s touchy!”

Dorian leaned back enough to sufficiently kick out his foot, his heel colliding with the man’s jaw. It was only then, as his eyes finally adjusted to the light and the man turned his head that Dorian caught a glimpse of the remnants of horns atop the man’s head. As if he hadn’t had enough of qunari at the council. But this was different; Bull had told him about Tal-Vashoth breaking their own horns.

The qunari pulled back a fist and Dorian prepared to brace, but a hand gripped the fist, holding it steady. “For fucks sake Ashaad, you call him pretty then plan on messing up his face?”

“You’re too good to captives Kadan.” The crouching qunari stated as he stood, leaving Dorian with the new qunari, his curling horns still in-tact, the fire light turning his hair orange; thankfully he was a lot slimmer than the last, though just as incredibly shirtless.

“If it was up to you we’d have none left.”

The qunari, Kadan, opened his fist, purple light dancing between his fingers. A mage, a saarebas at that, Dorian had dealt with enough of them the last week to understand the power qunari mages wielded, but unlike under the Qun this mage was clearly not leashed.

Dorian did not have time to voice his questions before he was hit with said violet light and everything went black.


	2. Chapter 2

The second time he came to was even less savoury than his first, the ship rocked, and as he threw his eyes open the mid-day sun burned them, forcing him to squint. He was surrounded by the crew, a loud familiar voice drumming up the circle.

“Shall we see how good Tevinter’s really are?! Who knows maybe he grow himself some gills with blood magic?!” A few of the surrounding crew laughed, a few were evidently too busy glaring daggers into his very soul, one elf in particular. They were a small thing, but he didn’t dare underestimate the not so metaphorical daggers in their hands.

 “Tell us your name Vint.” The qunari hissed, and Dorian saw the remnants of horns and a bruise blooming on their jaw, it was the same bastard. From where he was still kneeling, ankles and wrists bound, Dorian straightened his back and kept his lips sealed. “I said tell us your name.”

“Then prepare to be poorly disappointed.”

“You think you’re real smart don’t you?” The qunari hissed.

“I don’t think that all.” Dorian scoffed, with a smug grin. “I know it, Ashaad.”

The qunari stepped back with surprise. “How the fuck you know that?! What Vint mind game are you playing?!”

Dorian heard the laugh and before he could answer, a qunari had pushed through the circle, curling horns and bright ginger hair. “Don’t be a moron; he just remembers what happened when he was conscious.”

“Still don’t like him.” Ashaad spat.

“Toss him over board then.” The elf hissed.

“Ah, now let’s not be hasty.” Dorian tried to reason.

“You’ve said more than enough Vint, your fates sealed. You’ll be sleeping with the fishes.” Ashaad grunted a laugh.

“Woah!” The ginger qunari cried. “You’re just going to throw him away, just like that?!”

“Don’t get close with the mage Kadan.” Another qunari grunted, this one possibly the scariest woman Dorian had ever seen. “I don’t want to throw you over too because you could not control your own magic.” Kadan fell silent looking away sheepishly.

Rough hands grabbed him from behind and Dorian shifted frantically trying to escape from their grip, but to no avail. The majority of the crew appeared to be qunari and the man who held him made no exception. Wrapping over his waist the arms lifted him easily from the ground, carrying him to the edge of the ship. Maker this man was a behemoth, even as Dorian swung his legs against his thigh he didn’t buckle. When he saw the rolling sea drawing closer he restarted his frantic struggles, trying to shake away the grip.

“Okay, hilarious, I’ve been thoroughly spooked. But surely this isn’t something pirates actually do right?! Surely you can’t throw people overboard?!” He cried.

“How about you ask your crew, I’m sure you’ll meet them down there.” Well that answered one question.

“Ashaad, maybe you just don’t throw the Vint overboard.” The ginger qunari, Kadan, cautioned again. “Think about it!”

“Maybe you should listen to your friend!” Dorian suggested enthusiastically, especially as the qunari holding him showed no signs of stopping.

“You’re the one that said about ransom, he’s a Magister-…”

“I’m not actually a Magister just yet.” Dorian corrected.

The qunari shot a glare in his direction and Dorian remained quiet as he went on, “Okay but look at those robes, he’s noble, must have family, a seat to fill, bet they want him back and they’re willing to pay.”

Of course, it would be best not to mention his estrangement from his parents, or the fact that the reason he was on that very ship was to return for the arrangements his recently deceased father had put in place. He only hoped Mae might pay any ransom they demanded. Or perhaps…

“It’s true, I have many influential friends who would be willing to pay for my safe return, as a matter of fact have you heard of the Inquisition? I am close-…” He trailed off as he saw the frantic shaking of Kadan’s head.

“You’re with the Inquisition?” A quiet voice amongst the crowd asked.

“Yes…” He answered hesitantly.

“We’ve hit the jackpot boys. A Vint and Inquisition! Toss him overboard!” Ashaad announced.

Dorian screeched as the arms around his waist held him out over the railings of the ship, the crew chanting for his demise. He shut his eyes. He’d always somewhat known he was going to die at sea, he’d just never imagined it would be surrounded by shirtless heavily muscled men. There were certainly worse way to go. Oh, but there were also so many he would have preferred.

Then a voice rang out, loud and clear even over the chanting. “What’s going on?!”

The whole ship fell silent, but for the sound of heels of the wooden boards. Opening his eyes slowly Dorian turned, peering around the giant of a being that still held him, and if he had thought the qunari holding him was a behemoth he had no words to describe the one that now stood before them all, their structure was masculine, heavily muscled, broad shoulders, in some areas they were very nearly two of The Bull, a set of four horns and a multitude of scars finished off the intimidating look. But he wasn’t sure if the long trailing dress like coat, bright make-up and heeled boots suggested something other than their body shape did. The other qunari was possibly being demoted to second scariest woman he’d ever seen.

“I said, _what’s going on_?!” No doubt about it, the voice was pitched high.

“Captain,” Ashaad began, stumbling slightly. “It’s nothing.”

“Nothing?” The captain glanced at Dorian before gesturing at him. “There is a human hanging off my ship Ashaad, that is a little more than nothing.”

“He is a mouthy Vint, couldn’t keep him around.”

“The fiery little human we took from the Tevinter ship?” Ashaad nodded. “Iron Ass?”

The qunari holding Dorian answered, “Yes Captain.” In one of the most civilised manners he’d heard from any of the crew so far and the Dorian stiffened in confusion.

“Bring the fiery human to my quarters. Nobody will be throwing him overboard.”

“Of course Captain, as you wish.” Dorian breathed out a sigh of relief as he was pulled back onto the boat.

The relief did not last long however, only moments later he was presented before the huge qunari. “Hm. Yes, drop him in my quarters. Kadan?”

Before Dorian could protest, a single syllable escaped from his lips as his eyes fell on the ginger mage, purple light in hand, and then he was unconscious again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry I didn't update last night, I was super busy and couldn't find the time.

The third time he awoke it was becoming a far too common occurrence. He rubbed his eyes thoroughly, trying to make sense of the room he was now in, it took him longer than it should to realise he was now free of his restraints, and lying on a rather plush bed. He wished he could say this was the first time he’d woken in an unfamiliar bed, an almost drunken state of confusion and with rope burn on his wrists, but alas, he could not.

“You look like you could use a stiff drink.” Dorian turned quickly, his eyes falling on the huge qunari, feet kicked up on a desk, giving a full display of the heeled boots.

“Are you offering?” He chanced.

The captain smiled and removed their feet from the desk. After rooting around in a drawer they pulled out a murky old bottle, decanting the liquid into two glasses. As they pushed one of the glasses forward, and Dorian stepped forward hesitantly to take it, they spoke.

“You may call me Shokrakar. Do you have a name fiery human?” Unfortunately the qunari’s name held no clues.

“I- Yes. I am Dorian, of house Pavus.”

“Did my crew feed you?”

“I vaguely remember being fed… Though I’m not certain how conscious I was for the ordeal.”

The qunari laughed, though Dorian couldn’t quite discern what in that statement would cause such amusement. “Shit, you are noble aren’t you?! Don’t think we ever had one as fancy as you.”

Dorian hummed and knocked back a few mouthfuls of the foul smelling alcohol he had been offered. He was forced to stop after a moment, coughing a few times, in an attempt to rid his throat of the burning, but he remained poised. He knew it, Maraas-Lok, Bull had acquired some before.

Shokrakar looked to him with a questioning eyebrow before glancing down at their own drink. Taking a mouthful, Shokrakar immediately coughed, beating their own chest, before laughing hardily. “I like you! Not many humans can take Maraas-Lok!”

“I had a qunari friend.” He said with a small smile, which disappeared when he saw Shokrakar’s glare. “Ah, well, he was qunari when we met, circumstances changed.”

“Tal-Vashoth?”

“Yes, a Ben-Hassrath.” Shokrakar choked on the drink and Dorian didn’t believe it was its potency, causing the reaction this time around.

“A Vint, Inquisition and friends with a Ben-Hassrath. You surely must have a death wish coming north fiery little human.”

He almost took offense from being called little but decided against it. “And what of you, a qunari pirate? I assume you’re Tal-Vashoth?”

“You will find no qunari on this ship. Not like my last.” They laughed at some inside joke. “I was the Kathaban.”

“Excuse my ignorance, the what?”

“The high admiral, leader of all qunari naval forces. Now all I run in this sorry lot.”

“Why leave? If you don’t mind my asking.”

“It is not a woman’s role.” Shokrakar answered bluntly, watching Dorian intently as _she_ took a drink. Well that certainly cleared away the druffalo in the room.

“Ah, and you could not pretend any longer. I understand.”

“Do you, _Vint_?”

“I certainly do, so, ah, if you intend to have your way with me, I ask to save either of us from pretending, you decide against it.”

“Why?”

“I- I am not attracted to the fairer sex, even the shockingly muscular members of it.”

She continued to glare for a moment before smiling. “I’m glad I did not let them throw you overboard. And, I did not save you to fuck you.”

“Well.” He said, thrown off by the bluntness of her statements. “Then why did you? And what became of the ship I was on?”

“A few casualties I bet, we took what we needed then left them. Bet they could get up and going again, after we were well out of the way. We saw the way you fight. A lot of my boys have fought Vint’s before, but you didn’t fight much like a Vint, flashy and all that shit, but not right.”

“The south has taught me a lot.”

“Ah, the Inquisition. They gonna be a problem?”

“That depends; if you place me back on dry land we should have no issue.”

“You want safe passage, you better work for it. Just like the rest of my boys.”

“I- Well then you better just toss me overboard now then.”

She quirked an eyebrow before standing. “If that’s how you feel.”

He backtracked quickly. “I didn’t mean it! I was being sarcastic, I would be thankful for safe passage.”

She smiled slyly. “Oh boy is it going to be fun to have you around.”

“You realise almost every member of your crew appears to hate me.”

“Nah,” She said, before laughing. “Kadan seems just and so this side of ambivalent.”

“That’s it?! That’s my one hope, an ambivalent qunari who can put me to sleep with a click of his fingers… On the subject of magic, any chance that since I’m going to be part of the crew I could have my magic back.”

“Not a fucking chance!” She laughed.

-

It was with this in mind that he was placed in bunk with said ambivalent qunari. However ‘bunk’ had suggested some semblance of a bed. When night came and the qunari stood with an expression bordering on grim annoyance, and gestured to a hanging piece of fabric Dorian waited for a moment for an explanation.

“This is where you’ll be sleeping.” He sighed.

“What?! No!”

“Yes.” The qunari argued, gesturing to the fabric beneath, he stated. “And that is mine.”

“Forget it, I’ll sleep on the ground, I’ve done that before.”

“A pampered noble like you? I wouldn’t recommend it, unless you want to roll when the ship rocks in the night and end up in Kaariss’ lap. I’ll warn you now. You don’t.”

“So instead I have to sleep in that swinging death trap?!”

Kadan looked to him for a moment, before answering simply, “Yes.”

There was only a beat between what had apparently been deemed the end of the conversation and Kadan pulling off his trousers. Dorian turned away quickly, and could only hear the tutting. “Don’t give me that! You’re the brute who just de-clothed before me.”

“I’m not naked.” Dorian glanced, eyeing the tight fitting smallclothes for only a moment.

“You might as well be.” He protested, turning away, but found himself glancing back, when he heard the qunari busying himself with something else. He certainly couldn’t complain about that aspect of it, surrounded by almost constantly shirtless and incredibly muscular men. Of course in any fantasy, they didn’t all want to throw him into the Venefication Sea.

“Go to sleep.” Kadan instructed.

“Yes, captain.” Dorian grumbled, receiving a glare from the qunari as he climbed into his hammock before Dorian attempted to ascend to his own. Kadan watched a few minutes of struggling with the hammock, before climbing from his own gracelessly, gesturing to it and hissing, “Get in.”

Dorian looked at him for a moment, before puffing out his chest, raising his chin. “I don’t need your help.”

“I don’t care, I need sleep, and I’m not going to get it with you wrestling with the hammock.”

Dorian sniffed and slowly bent to sit in the hammock, before lying in it, even though it felt like defeat. Kadan climbed easily into the bunk above him, and Dorian reasoned the extra couple of feet in height gave him an evident advantage.

“You never did tell us your name Vint.”

“Dorian.” He answered shortly.

“Kadan Adaar… Good luck, Dorian. You’re going to need it.”


End file.
